I promise I will continue with the saga of this infernal cow…but I need a break from her right now. I went out just last week to do the afternoon feed and there she was…in the neighbor’s fenced-in front yard. How she got there, I have no idea. I checked all the fence lines and saw no downed fences. These fences are three and four strand barbed wire fences (4 feet high). She’s either an open jumping cow (and I’ll make a ton of money) or she’s like a snake or mouse that can squish their bodies into the smallest spaces. In any case, I don’t think she’s one bit funny or talented or cute or amazing or any other superlative. I think she’s a total pain in the ass. So, after going into the neighbor’s yard (through a closed and secured gate) I attempted to get her to follow me. Four feed forward, three feet back for about an hour. Had enough. Got the Mini Cooper (yes, a mini cooper – I don’t want to hear your snickering) and the mini did the job. No, I did not hit her. I need the car. She’s afraid of the Mini as it has been called into service for just this purpose in the past. We (the mini and I) chased her out the the neighbor’s yard, through the gate and down the long long driveway to the main road, made her take a right, chased her down the main road to my driveway, made her take another right, chased her up my long long driveway to the barn. Got out of the mini, opened the gate to the other cows and she ran in. Friggin cow.
On top of this bog, I’ve been asked to write a children’s book about ZsaZsa the Runaway Cow. You have no idea how much I want to not even think about this damned cow and now I have to write a children’s book. Really? And I can’t use any four letter words? This is going to be difficult. So, for blog purposes, I’m taking a break from the Houdini Cow and will write about other strange animals and daily weirdness. Thank you for understanding (and saving me from becoming an alcoholic).
I found ZsaZsa that first time at the home of a neighbor at the end of the road….we’re talking at least a quarter of a mile away. She was hanging out with a group of very big, black cows. In fact, she was hiding behind them. As I’d get close to her, she’d move between two more big monster cows. I was pushing one of the monster cows out of the way (or attempting to) and it turned around and started coming toward me. I had a long cardboard tube in my hand (don’t ask me where I found it…have no idea) and was using it to push the cows around. Well, this one cow was definitely bigger than the rest and didn’t seem fazed by my lethal instrument and kept on coming. I finally realized – when it was just a foot away – that this was a BULL. OMG, Holy Sh..t! and all the other crazed blubbering that will come out of my mouth when I’m facing certain death. A smart woman would have run. I stood still with my deadly cardboard tube and bapped him on the nose.
Dave, the BULL
I think I hurt his feelings. Later on in this story I got to know Dave, the bull, and he was a total sweetheart. He loved the treats I always had in my pocket and would greet me at the gate. But this day…I had no knowledge of this and just went by instinct. Bapp on the nose it was. He looked so hurt by my aggressive behaviour…poor Dave. But I didn’t have the time or the patience to consider his feelings at the moment. That friggin cow of mine was getting the best of me and pissing me off.
While I was running around like a rabid terrier getting no closer to moving this rotten cow, the mother of my neighbor came over to watch me…I’m sure I was better than daytime TV. She was leaning on the fence and happened to mention that “Once a cow ran away, they ALWAY ran away”. Oh great. She apparently took pity on me and called her other son who came with his big pick up truck (I do not have a pick up truck. I have a mini cooper) and the two of us spent more than 3 hours to finally get her onto my property….only to find out there was another break in the fence and she took off again. He beat her to the gate between our properties (truck is faster than cow) and got it closed. And so began the long and sad two weeks of me trudging out to the back 40 with a pail of water and food twice a day to hopefully gain her trust (what a stupid woman).